Michaelmas

As I stood there with Mike about to leave a voicemail, I started laughing because I heard myself composing it in my mind.

Voicemail left: Hi Michael, this is Michael. I'm here with Mike at Michael's Deli. Just letting you know we're here and wondering where you are.

The dinner was good. Nice conversation and time spent with some amazingly-named people. When it was time to leave our dining establishment, we discovered that both of the employees at the awesomely named deli were named Michael. What followed was many unnecessary "Bye Michael"s and "Nice to meet you, Michael"s.

As we left, I giggled and felt wonderful! :)

The reason for all of this was Michaelmas; the feast day for St. Michael the Archangel. It is September 29th...so obviously I'm a bit late on finishing this post. *shrug* I've been busy! ;)

They've been good to me

Have you ever had people, especially members of the opposite sex, do things for you that make you just wonder how you could possibly deserve to be treated that well?

A well-timed, well thought-out phone call. A secret order of that beloved appetizer when you've had a bad day. Uncomplaining and whole-hearted accompaniment into the store that you like, but that fondness is not shared.

These things have been happening a lot to me lately. They each make me want to cry.

To the people in my life who have made me feel so special, I say thank you. I am blessed to know you and treasure every moment we've been given.

And then there are the strangers who make my day. Today as I was walking around in the Copley Office area after an unsuccessful attempt to get the mail, the following exchange happened:

Man: How do you walk on those little heels?
Me: *laughs* Well, I can't do it every day.
Man: Do they hurt your feet?
Me: No.
Man: Well you're light.

We then parted ways and I said "Have a good day!" I will probably never see him again, but I thoroughly enjoyed the brief conversation and the way I felt afterwards.

An Old 21

The funny thing about aging is that it happens while you're not paying attention.

Earlier today I was talking to a few friends. Discussing the pros and cons of wedding reception locations with one, and joining an alumni website with another.

The fact that these conversations were taking place on AIM says something about my generation. But at the same time, I began to feel "old".

I recently had an ovary removed and spent several days in the hospital. I have a "real job"...not the ideal one...but a real one nonetheless. I have been to a friend's wedding and some friends have children. I have had conversations in which I mention trying to "work it out" with a non-boyfriend.

Even though these things remind me that I am not 12 anymore, there are parts of me that have not caught up. The bay window in my bedroom is covered with stuffed animals and junk. My "must watch" tv list includes most of the WB primetime line-up. When left to my own devices, I watch ABC Family (Full House, Step by Step, Family Matters, etc.) for hours on end.

I haven't noticed the past few years go by. Wasn't it only yesterday that I was 15 and moving into my new high school? Has 6 years really passed by between then and now? It's when I don't notice the time going by that it does. It escapes me.

When I was younger, I couldn't imagine being a "grown-up". Have a job? Pay bills? Inconceivable! Just as I couldn't picture now then, the future is just as much a mystery to me as it's always been.

But I must say that I'm happy with how things are. Going into the unknown with no expectations and not even acknowledging that it is unknown has worked for me so far.

My Volcano

This weekend was great. And looking back on it, quite emotional too. But it was not a roller-coaster, I think that it's more like climbing a mountain.

I had so many great experiences. I spent time with friends, I went on a Harbor Cruise for the first time, I had planned activities and spontaneous ones. With each thing that happened, I was moving further and further up the mountain. Each step brought more life to me than the previous one. Walking into Fenway Park and sitting atop the Green Monster made me feel on top of the world. Mass was incredible as well. Very encouraging to see a Chapel full of college students. I felt in closer contact to God than I have in a while. I was approaching the peak and couldn't wait to see the view from there. Went to dinner with some old friends and several new ones. Lately I've been feeling awkward and out of place around new people, but last night included none of that.

When I returned home and called the person I wanted to share all this with, I saw my mountain for what it was - a volcano. As I reached the top, I fell into the middle. Falling, it couldn't get much worse, could it? Until I hit the lava. It burned, scorched my skin. Surely this is the end. As the seconds crept by, I noticed the lava no longer burned me. Was it lifting me and bringing me closer to the open air? Then it was back to burning. And then it wasn't.

Even now I'm not too sure if it's burning or what it's doing to me. I do know that I'm surrounded by it.

"A New Lady"?

It's now been over a week since my surgeries. That's right...I had two. I guess I just couldn't get enough of that anesthesia. No need to be concerned. The first one went fine...but overnight they suspected I was bleeding, and so removed a large clot the following day. That managed to extend my hospital stay by a few days.

During my time in the hospital, I was impressed by the dedication and care that I received from my friends. Many of them visited me...and the ones who couldn't visit called. The hospital staff was also incredible. The constant nurse presence was great. I know that they also enjoyed my presence because I brought along a little blue nun who happens to brightens everyone's day.

My aunt with whom I'm staying commented today that "If you're modest when you go into the hospital, you certainly aren't when you get out!" This came after a certain discussion of my catheter and the ability of anyone in the room to see my urine collecting. The number of times I was asked "Are you passing gas?" is so great that I don't know if I can count that high. And the number of people who asked to see my incision and then commented "It looks great!" (It reminds me of Frankenstein's monster.) increase the number of people who have seen that part of my body exponentially.

Luckily I am not and was not in any pain. I have lovely painkillers in case I need them...but I am very glad that I'm not reliant. I may need them after the staples are removed tomorrow. That is something I'm not particularly looking forward to...but, like the surgery itself, it is necessary.

I am enjoying my time "off"...I am now on disability. :) I have read 4 books so far. Well ... technically I'd started Harry Potter when I first got it, but the 400+ pages that I read in this installment count as a book, right? I'm very much enjoying my light reading. I'm also appreciating the ability to move around effortlessly. Never again will I say "It's too far" ... "I don't want to get up." ... or some other lazy exclamation. When I can walk and not lose all of my breath and the ability to control my heart rate, I might just jump for joy ... or do my best Grampa Joe from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" impersonation. You know..."Yippppeeee!" followed by an incredibly exuberant, improvised dance. On second thought, if I'm barely walking effortlessly, I probably shouldn't push it that far. Don't want to set myself back a few steps.

I mentioned before that I'd worried somewhat about the operation itself. I saw images of myself cut open. I imagined being unconcious, as silly as that is. I never once thought about the recovery. I commented to co-workers that depending on how it was, I may wish that I were at work, but I never really thought about it. That's fine...I'm not sure I could have accurately imagined this. In most ways I'm completely fine; it's just when I decide to exit from a reclined position that I have problems. I have noticed small improvements, and I'm sure that I will continue to see them. In a 4-6 week recovery, one can't expect quick results.

When this is all over, work will seem new. But at the same time, I won't have to learn anything new. But it will be exciting all over again. I am the type to completely enjoy reading all day long, and I don't anticipate boredom entering my disability time...but I will look forward to returning to normalcy.

Unsuspected positive things have come out of this ordeal...

• A friend of mine is more sure of the path he is choosing in life.
  
• I have new ammunition to get guys to agree to do anything I want: "I have one ovary!".
  
• I am getting all of my belongings moved to a new apartment without doing any lifting myself.
  
• Some nurses were blessed by a very holy presence for a few days (not me...Sr. Olga, of course).
  
• And as she says, my Aunt now "has a purpose"...caring for me. :)

Today's the day

*Exhale*

The day is here. I'm having surgery soon. I can't say that I'm completely unphased by this or not worried at all. I was doing fine until I heard about the postponement. Then Tuesday night, lying in bed, I kept seeing images of myself on a hospital bed cut open. The thought "I will go to sleep and wake up hours later not knowing what's happened." ran through my head repeatedly. It is probably that thought that scared me the most. I am uncomfortable with uncertainty. I know what they plan to do to me, and I know that the plan may change if they encounter complications.

I believe that honesty is very important. And I like to know what's going on. That's why knowing that I won't know what's going on scares me so much. But I've been trying to acquire some peace on this matter. I've been praying for it. To trust completely that God is watching over me. That He knows what's going on. That's more important, but my difficulty is wholy believing it. I want to believe it...and I know that it's true, but it's still hard for me.

A co-worker yesterday told me that I'll be "a new lady" when I come back. (Well, there will be less of me. I'm not sure how much less; I'll have to wait til later today to find that out.) Of course I will be the same person afterwards, but I do hope to make some changes. I'm looking forward to a month of no work, of sleeping and other relaxing activities. I also hope to reignite my prayer life. I know this isn't something you can plan or say "I'm going to pray more on that day.", but I'm hoping that this free time will offer me the opportunity to pick up my relationship with my Lord.

Change in Plans

So up until abou 68 hours ago I thought I would be unconcious right now. Surgery was scheduled to start at 10:30...so it's safe to say that at 11:44 I'd be in LaLa-Land. Completely unaware that my insides were currently exposed, or anything else for that matter.

Instead I'm sitting at work typing this. As you can tell, the plans have changed.

My surgeon had a family emergency and so we're rescheduling for sometime later this week.

Everything is on hold. I think that I have an apartment...but we're supposed to get the final word today. I'm going to have surgery at some point...but I don't know when. That information too should be coming today.

Maybe I'm such a procrastinator and don't like making plans because I know things change. Something comes up that you didn't imagine. That you never could have imagined. That's just the way it works sometimes.

Of course that's not why I'm the way I am. That I also don't have an explanation for.